this chapter

this chapter





our balcony plants were drizzled with rainwater last night.
i woke up to find liquid kisses on smiling leaves.

.

with every house we've moved
there's always a distinctness.
like the beginning and end of a little era.
changing and evolving something
in me and the way we live.
changes that seem subtle on the outside
but which the heart knows is cardinal.

i see it in the pages of my memory
in the narration of my words,
and even in the colors of my photographs.
evidences and nuances all there
waiting to retrace our unfolding journey.

.

since coming to this house
i feel more nearer to the stars
on a clear night, their song twinkles
unobstructed and removed from tall buildings and city lights.
and on days watercolored with gray clouds
the hills are tumbling with wild poetry
and turning moss colored with every fall of rain.

i’m living my days more intimately with saanjh
making rituals, telling stories and
watching the world outside our window by each other's side.
capturing our everyday more devotedly in photographs
(thanks to our new camera and the breadth of this house).

there's so much i’m in love with.

but i’m also living isolated.
with no one to share the joy born of all that love.
except for my soulmate, i rarely have adult conversations.
the world around me seems ever-busy for heartfelt conversations of the erstwhile kind.
and since i’m not made for causal ones, my heart remains mute.

so i let it whisper through my words here, even if no one's reading.
wrap it in my prayers and cast it into the universe.

and continue to live this chapter, pursuing my karma.

. . .

friday late noon
the twenty fourth
jyeṣṭha

12 comments:

  1. your words are so delicately beautiful x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for gifting these kind words.
      they have so much meaning in my heart.

      wishing love and light into your days.

      Delete
  2. I feel at fault while I read this post ..
    And I cannot ever express or prove your importance in my life.. I am just not good enough it seems ... also I am always afraid that I might say or do something that might drift us apart even more .. I can't even explain or justify my own words but i feel it's better to have you in my life silently than to not have you at all..,,.. But you must know I think of you each day, each moment of happiness, each time I am able to live a detail.. I can never thank you enough.. Also in times of despair, I desparately need you but due to reasons of my own I cannot just be where I wish to be.. Yet whatever it might seem, however incapable , not good enough I am.. one thing stands true , I love you very much.. I know you can't just directly share, but someday if you may be able to, I am always there, loving to hear every detail of your beautiful life whether it be the colours of joy or pieces of melancholy or the life by each second.. I am sorry if I hurt you .. You mean lot to me .. More than you would probably know..

    Hoping this solitude you feel, be full of love from your most loving companion and dearest darling Saanjh..

    Yours lovingly..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. with all honest, i wish to say this was not directed at anyone. but journaled organically just as everything else here. it's a feeling that dominates my heart along with all the beautiful blessings in this chapter of my life and i want to remember this too, many years from now.
      i've come to see even this isolation, this loneliness as something essential in my journey. although i feel miserable at times and deeply wish for friendship, i also wholeheartedly embrace it and request it to shape me into a more loving soul.

      thank you with all of me for honoring me with all your love and kindness.
      i hope to write to you personally, later in the day.

      much love, back at you.

      Delete
  3. I absolutely knew that it is not directed towards me or anyone.. I know you would never do that.. I am also sure you must have embraced all the feelings that solitude brings you ...
    My response was solely my conscience speaking ..what I felt at the moment..
    Smile.. You are so very lovely you can never do anything that would hurt someone ...


    Love

    ReplyDelete
  4. beautiful words niru!
    i feel little bit of solitude is also important in life.
    have a wonderful day! <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you pratiksha, with friends like you in this other faraway world, life feels kind.
      and true, solitude grows the most beautiful thoughts in oneself.

      lovely day to you too.

      Delete
  5. I have been meaning to read your blog at leisure and my opportunity gladly came today. Your poetic words are gossamer-light and crystalline-beautiful and when I read them, I find myself losing in a world of such tenuous beauty. The nuanced tones of your photographs and the vignettes you share of motherhood delicately evoke the mood of your beautiful universe. Keep creating and writing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dear priyanka, finding your generous and gracious words waiting for me here, feels very very special. thank you for your visit, warmth and friendship.
      i cherish all of it gratefully.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. my apologies for such a late reply and thank you rebecca for reading and letting me know that you do.
      your presence is a sweet gift.

      hope the autumn sun is keeping you warm.

      Delete



let my thoughts come to you
when I am gone
like the afterglow of sunset
at the margin of starry silence
- rabindranath tagore -